Tuesday, May 8, 2012

My Old Kentucky Home in Ohio

Let the record show that the horses I picked – and publicly announced on facebook – came in 3rd, 4th, and 5th. Granted, we are not dealing with hand grenades here, so close doesn’t quite cut it. But I do take some satisfaction. Since Scott’s pick came in 2nd, he probably takes a little more than me.

There is one bet I got right, though. Scott thought my mom and dad would be the first to arrive, but I said Aunt Charlie. This should be no surprise to the Swigart contingent.

So here it is by the numbers:

1 L-shaped sofa and ottoman assembled on Thursday night.
1 taking apart of pieces that we put together wrong.
4 new throw pillows purchased on Friday, and damn do they look good with that new sofa.
234 times girls are told they are not allowed to eat on the new couch.

1 smoker, purchased on Friday
1 large-ass grill procured from my grandmother on Friday night when we realized the smoker wouldn’t hold all the chicken we needed to cook prior to smoking the pork shoulder.
2 hours to figure out on Saturday morning that we don’t know how to use a smoker.
1 roaster on standby that we threw the pork shoulder into.

13 mile run Saturday morning. Guess which one of us did that?

2 soccer games Saturday morning. Or make that 1 soccer game (and 1 goal) for Morgan and a bunch of running around and dancing on a soccer field for Zoe.

1 tent assembled on Saturday morning.
1 taking apart of pieces we put together wrong.
Are you sensing a pattern here with us?

3 trips to Heinen’s on Saturday. 1 for additional snacks and a chicken baster. 1 for mint. 1 for more limes.
1 trip to Minotti’s. 1 opinion not asked for given. (I mean, the guy was going to make mint juleps WITHOUT Maker’s Mark. What was wrong with him? He’s lucky I was there.)
8 or so limes freshly squeezed by Aunt Charlie for the margaritas. (It’s her fault she was the first one there.)
Unknown amount of margarita spilled all over the counter, because I didn’t make sure the spigot was closed before pouring the pitcher into the dispenser.
4 more limes freshly squeezed by Aunt Charlie.
Moral of this story, people will drink anything at our parties.

0 people I had to shame at the door with my sombreros. Thanks for the effort ladies. And now you all have hats to wear at the pool this summer. You’re welcome. I should have had a prize for Cousin Katie’s fascinator though. I want one.

1 bowtie given up on.

1 piñata
15 stick-wielding kids
3 toddlers getting in the way
2 dads
5789 whacks with a stick. Some of them actually hitting piñata.
That was one stubborn ass.
Unknown number of parents who would like the Norcross’s to stop feeding their kids junk food. Between the candy and the cheese puffs, none of them went hungry.

5 dads that dumped their wife and kids off and came back to watch a boxing match.

11:30 pm – Time I went to bed after finishing off a really good cheese ball someone brought.
3:00 am – Time Scott went to bed after cleaning up pretty much the entire party.

Congratulations to all the big winners…please note, if you win again next year, we will beat you with the piñata basher. Or maybe I will create another division for the three-legged races called Last Year’s Adults Winning over $40.

Scott and I would like to thank everyone for coming, bringing such wonderful food to share, and forgiving us for never being able to spend enough time to talking to any of you. Next year we will take donations to pay for a full wait staff and toddler shepherd.

1 comment:

  1. Wow, I'm tired just reading this...haha

    My old math teacher used to say that all the time - close only counts in horse shoes & hand grenades - and it used to make me laugh because its just so true.

    That's certainly a whole lot of whacks on the pinata, I hope there was at least some candy to be had at the end of it all. Sounds like you had a great time :-)