This morning's example...potentially 7.8 seconds in, but that's just rounding.
Morgan: Mom, Zoe and I bumped heads.
Zoe: And I bumped my forehead.
Me: Seeing as you are both standing here in this room talking to me, and neither of you is actually crying, I think you will live and this was a perfectly pointless conversation.
See, I can't even stand being interupted when I'm doing something I don't like (dishes, exercising, laundry). So interrupting something enjoyable probably causes the sarcasm gene to rear its ugly head pretty damn quick.
Sometimes when I'm home by myself I stand in the shower for 30 minutes, regardless of whether I need one. Silence is golden. (Until I start singing show tunes, that is.)
Here are some of the more common shower interuptions and my responses, ranging from mild to Evil Queen depending on how many times I have been asked the question that day.
- Do you see the sink and drinking cup behind you, or did it disappear?
- Stick your head in the shower and open your mouth.
- Go check Potter's water dish. (I would actually never use this one on Zoe, because there is a 75% chance she would take me up on it.)
- I guess you will just dehydrate then.
"Do you know where my _________ is?"
- Where did you leave it? (I think this one is actually kind of helpful.)
- Pretend I'm dead...what would you do?
- No, but when I find it, I'm going to throw it in the trash.
"Zoe/Morgan has done something mildly annoying, but I'm going to act like it is the end of the world and wish she had never been born."
- Go to your room. (That's it. Tattling is almost worse than interupting.)