Friday, April 18, 2014

Sherlock and Irene's Dog Shaming Diary

AKA how my dogs feel about dog beds...

Day 1

I think I will just try to make this bed a little more comfortable by trying to scratch the evenly distributed cushion into various sized lumps.

Oh look.  I made the string and/or zipper come a little loose.  I’m pretty bored, so I will just chew on that for a while.  Mom gave me a bone and a dog toy, but I’m too lazy to get them.  I might actually have to get up or move my head 6 inches.

Hmm…I wonder what is in this hole that I have made now that I’ve been steadily gnawing for two hours.

STUFFING!!!  It’s stuffing!  Look, there’s stuffing in here!  It tastes really bad but look what it does when I pull it out of the hole.  STUFFING!!! I wonder if there is more in there?  I better keep gnawing on this hole.

Man, I’m tired.  I wish I could get more comfortable on this bed.  It doesn’t seem as soft anymore.  I better scratch it around some more.

Oh look.  I made more stuffing come out!  Isn’t this the prettiest stuff you have ever seen?  Blah.  Very gross though.  I think I may have swallowed some.  I better hack it up.

Now I’ll just move my bed so it covers up my vomit and Mom will never know. Sigh.  I guess it is time for a nap.  Oh wait…I think I still have a little more to throw up.

Day 2

I am sad, because Mom took my dog bed away.  I will have to scratch at the cement floor to pass the time.

Day 3

Mom got me a new dog bed!  It’s so very soft!  But I can’t find the zipper to gnaw on.  I think she might have put duct tape over it.   But I will chew on the tag instead.

Oh look.  I made a hole.

STUFFING!!!  I will try not to throw up this time.


Day 4

I am sad, because Mom took my dog bed away.  I will have to scratch the lead paint off of the cinder block wall.

Day 5

Mom actually gave us the old couch from the smaller people’s play room.  Oh wow!  Furniture.  This will be so much more comfortable.  If only I could get this cushion to move just a little to the left.  Hey, is there stuffing in here?

Man, I wish I didn’t have this nice smooth head rest.  I should probably chew it until I make it all the way down to the wood frame where the staples poke out.  That would be much better. 

Well, I was able to remove the cushions, most of the stuffing from the back, and all the fabric off the head rests.  I should be good for a nap now.


FYI - $20 for that couch at Salvation Army.  Destroyed in less than 8 hours.  Not sure I got my money’s worth.