Friday, May 7, 2010

Mother of the Year

I just want to note that as I'm writing this, there is literally golf ball-size hail coming down outside.

Sometimes my kids sleep in their clothes.

I've been known to let them eat spaghetti o's with meatballs five nights in a week (Meat, vegetable, carb plus a glass of milk for dairy - all four food groups covered) Sidebar: I am convinced that fruits and vegetables used to be in the same food group. But I cannot find any proof of this.

They watch WAY more than 1 hour of television a day.

Zoe has eaten Oreos for breakfast.

I told my kids to "eat on the floor because I haven't cleaned it yet"! No joke.

In case you haven't noticed, I am not the most anal person when it comes to cleanliness. Organized - yes, clean - no. I'm sure most people would prefer the other way around, but as long as my bookshelf is free from clutter, the inch-layer of dust does not bother me.

And because I tend to read housekeeping manuals like they are novels, I often feel a little guilty about how unconcerned I am in this department. I want to mop my kitchen floor after every meal and suck up the Potter hair a couple times a week. I do.

But I also want to read my kids stories, and watch my DVR recordings, and maybe go to the gym. So until I can get by on 4 hours of sleep, like Scott, it's not going to happen.

I have recently been feeling less guilty. You may have heard me say that I think kids should eat a cup of dirt a day to build up an immune system. And I have now been vindicated. (Is that the right word?)

Upon Morgan's five-year-check up, Nurse Carrie was thumbing through her file.

Nurse: This file is so thin. I think something is missing.
Mommy: Really?
Nurse: No, its all here. She's just really healthy. Most kids' files her age are twice as thick because we've seen them other than well-visits.

HA! Take that you germ-aphobic - anti-bacterial scrubbing - anal retentive psychos!

Disclaimer: This could also be because I do not take my children to the doctor every time they have a stuffy nose or cough, so I will allow for some skewing of the statistics.

5 comments:

  1. Darnit, why couldn't YOU have been my mom? Mine was the clean freak from hell—not anally retentive, but retentive all over her body.

    Martha, thankfully, hates housecleaning. A former farm girl, she loves dirt. Dust bunnies under the bed? More like dust pigs and cows.

    I remember a sad story from Touched By An Angel (weren't they all?). A mid-forties woman found out she was dying from cancer, and she said she had one regret: That she wished she had spent more time with her kids and watching them grow than cleaning all the time.

    Kids are tougher than people think. Personally, I used to love a good mudpie—plenty of minerals a growing child needs.

    I love your posts, Alice. You have a great sense of humor.

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  2. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY....your a great MOM in my book.....and I know the girls think so to....

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  3. I second the motion: Happy Mother's Day.

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  4. Thank you both.

    And I knew liked Martha. That is just more confirmation.

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  5. Katie here. I would just like to say that I, too, have eaten Oreos for breakfast AND have fed such things to my young cousins and nephews, much to their parents' chagrin. Also, I remember when the food "pyramid" was just four food GROUPS, which did indeed lump fruits and vegetables together. Finally, I am glad to learn that I am not the only one in the family who did not inherit the Swigart clean gene! Dust, I can and do live with; clutter drives me crazy.

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