Friday, May 7, 2010

Mother of the Year

I just want to note that as I'm writing this, there is literally golf ball-size hail coming down outside.

Sometimes my kids sleep in their clothes.

I've been known to let them eat spaghetti o's with meatballs five nights in a week (Meat, vegetable, carb plus a glass of milk for dairy - all four food groups covered) Sidebar: I am convinced that fruits and vegetables used to be in the same food group. But I cannot find any proof of this.

They watch WAY more than 1 hour of television a day.

Zoe has eaten Oreos for breakfast.

I told my kids to "eat on the floor because I haven't cleaned it yet"! No joke.

In case you haven't noticed, I am not the most anal person when it comes to cleanliness. Organized - yes, clean - no. I'm sure most people would prefer the other way around, but as long as my bookshelf is free from clutter, the inch-layer of dust does not bother me.

And because I tend to read housekeeping manuals like they are novels, I often feel a little guilty about how unconcerned I am in this department. I want to mop my kitchen floor after every meal and suck up the Potter hair a couple times a week. I do.

But I also want to read my kids stories, and watch my DVR recordings, and maybe go to the gym. So until I can get by on 4 hours of sleep, like Scott, it's not going to happen.

I have recently been feeling less guilty. You may have heard me say that I think kids should eat a cup of dirt a day to build up an immune system. And I have now been vindicated. (Is that the right word?)

Upon Morgan's five-year-check up, Nurse Carrie was thumbing through her file.

Nurse: This file is so thin. I think something is missing.
Mommy: Really?
Nurse: No, its all here. She's just really healthy. Most kids' files her age are twice as thick because we've seen them other than well-visits.

HA! Take that you germ-aphobic - anti-bacterial scrubbing - anal retentive psychos!

Disclaimer: This could also be because I do not take my children to the doctor every time they have a stuffy nose or cough, so I will allow for some skewing of the statistics.


  1. Darnit, why couldn't YOU have been my mom? Mine was the clean freak from hell—not anally retentive, but retentive all over her body.

    Martha, thankfully, hates housecleaning. A former farm girl, she loves dirt. Dust bunnies under the bed? More like dust pigs and cows.

    I remember a sad story from Touched By An Angel (weren't they all?). A mid-forties woman found out she was dying from cancer, and she said she had one regret: That she wished she had spent more time with her kids and watching them grow than cleaning all the time.

    Kids are tougher than people think. Personally, I used to love a good mudpie—plenty of minerals a growing child needs.

    I love your posts, Alice. You have a great sense of humor.

  2. HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY....your a great MOM in my book.....and I know the girls think so to....

  3. I second the motion: Happy Mother's Day.

  4. Thank you both.

    And I knew liked Martha. That is just more confirmation.

  5. Katie here. I would just like to say that I, too, have eaten Oreos for breakfast AND have fed such things to my young cousins and nephews, much to their parents' chagrin. Also, I remember when the food "pyramid" was just four food GROUPS, which did indeed lump fruits and vegetables together. Finally, I am glad to learn that I am not the only one in the family who did not inherit the Swigart clean gene! Dust, I can and do live with; clutter drives me crazy.