We have a family membership to a gym. It's a nice place, but monthly rates are reasonable. Lately my visits have been limited to taking the girls to their swim lesson, but that's another story. This story starts after this Monday's lesson.
I usually take the girls to one of the private "family" locker rooms to rinse them off and wash the chlorine out of their hair. It's easier than trying to deal with the women's room and the multiple shower stalls. The family rooms are like a big personal bathroom.
Morgan likes one better than the other, because it is wheelchair accessible and has a seat that can be pulled down in the shower. You know her delicate condition. God forbid she have to stand up to take a shower. So we make our way there and I turn on the light.
I notice something on the ground near the toilet and on closer inspection see that it is human feces. Yes, that is right. Then I look at the toilet itself and it is covered in it and toilet paper. (Sorry, no pictures.) I quickly removed the girls to the other family room. This room didn't have any towels left, so I had to run back to the women's room.
Since one of the housekeeping ladies was there I informed her of the situation. She slowly shook her head and asked, "Who does that?"
I had no answer for her at the time, but here are several possibilities I've come up with.
1. Someone disgruntled with the club. But this is ridiculous. That doesn't hurt the club? The only person that hurts is the poor woman who has to clean it up. And what the hell do you have to be disgruntled about in a health club? Did they give your tennis court time to someone else? If so, why don't you go take a dump on the tennis court? If you're going to do it...do it right!
2. Juvenile delinquents being funny. I'm not sure who started the rumor that spreading disease through your excrement is a way to stick it the man, but somehow this has caught on. I find this one hard to believe as well, because they only people besides us that seemed to be in club that night were there for some sort of tennis clinic. A bunch of young ladies in short white skirts starting at the pro with puppy-dog eyes. There was no way they could make that mess without endangering the pristine-ness of their outfits.
3. Spawn of Satan children. But Zoe's disqualified because she was with me the whole time and is on her best behavior during swim lessons, because Miss Mary might dunk her if she doesn't. And even if it had been Zoe on a rampage or just uncontrollable diarrhea, this mom would have cleaned it up herself, no matter how many times I had to puke in the process.
So I am out of ideas. Feel free to take of few of your own guesses.
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