Haven't done this in a while, but I felt the need to write and nothing was coming to me. Follow the Adult Truth label below to check out the others.
Adult Truth #21
Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
I personally try to wear pants at least 10 times before washing them. I’ll admit one reason for this is that I don’t want to buy bigger pants and they fit better stretched out a bit. I have no shame.
If I didn’t have a slobbery dog, I could probably skip washing my work pants for about three months. I should note that I usually don’t notice the dried slobber until I actually get to work and have to spend the first ten minutes of my day in the restroom trying to blend it in.
A lot of times I fold Scott’s jeans up and put them back in the drawer without looking. Then, come the weekend, he points out that the hems are caked in mud or he spilled salsa down the front of them. I will refrain from pointing out the easy solution of putting them directly in the laundry instead of leaving them on the floor of the bedroom. (Oh, maybe I didn’t refrain.)
Unfortunately, this rule does not apply to my kids’ pants - mainly because my kids don’t wear pants. They wear leggings. Leggings are in the pant family, but share more DNA with underwear. Because if you put leggings on for even ten minutes they have to be washed before you can wear them again or you will have saggy, elephant knees.
I have made every attempt to get my kids to wear real pants, but the closest I’ve come is jeggings. They won’t even wear sweat pants (Rare case of “not my kids”).
I take this back…Zoe does have some stretchy pants that are neither leggings nor structured pants. I do not know how to categorize them. But considering she changes her clothes a minimum of four times a day (“Look, Mommy!”), this fact does not cut back on my dirty laundry.
Showing posts with label Adult Truths. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adult Truths. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Friday, October 14, 2011
Bitch is Back
ROLE MODELS
Far be it from to tell people what to do with their lives…however…if you are the adult monitoring the school bus stop outside the apartment building, do you think…just maybe…you could handle not smoking your cigarette for FIFTEEN MINUTES. Set an example, dude!
ADULT TRUTH #2
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
Take, for instance, the PTA General Meeting. The one flipping thing I’m in charge of as Vice President. (At this point I am apologizing to anyone related to or friends with my nemesis…it’s just…well, it’s just me.)
Arrive at the elementary school and it is locked - custodian MIA. When we are finally able to catch his attention through another doorway, he saunters over and accuses us of being twenty minutes early.
Me: No, I asked for 6:30.
Him: No, your form said 7:00.
Me: (and yes, I should have shut up at that point) No, it said 6:30.
At this point I am of course thinking that I might of possibly wrote the wrong time…not on the reservation…but on the form I faxed over with the set-up diagram.
At this point he is probably thinking, “Suck it, bitch!”
Then we ask for our normal table in the hallway for people to pick up name tags and sign in. He points to a smaller table that he set up over by the fish tank “like my diagram said” and “why didn’t I say I just wanted the same set up as before.”
Me: I faxed the same form with the same set up that we used last year. I didn’t change anything.
Him: Well, you should have just told me that you wanted it the same and skipped the picture, because I put it like the picture.
Me: *defiant stare*
Seriously? I used the same god damn picture! That I know for an absolute fact. Or did I somehow change the picture when I copied it onto the new sheet?
I hate that feeling.
Until I go home and look at my form that clearly says 6:30 and looks the exact same as last year’s form. HA! You suck it, Mr. Custodian! I was right and I hope you went back and looked at my form to see how right I was, because it really gets me a teeny tiny bit worked up when people tell me I am wrong when I am most definitely always right!
P.S. We really appreciate that you set the chairs and tables up for us and let the babysitters use the equipment closet in the gym to keep the kids occupied.
DVR CHECK UP
So can you believe that 2 Broke Girls has the highest ratings of the new series that have premiered (according to “Entertainment Weekly”)? Who is watching this piece of crap? The 2 girls both appear to be reading cue cards a la Saturday Night Live - which is fine for a sketch comedy, but not a sitcom. Kat Dennings’ signature sarcastic delivery is apparently just masking the fact that she simply cannot act.
And Free Agents got cancelled after three episodes. There is no justice in this world.
Far be it from to tell people what to do with their lives…however…if you are the adult monitoring the school bus stop outside the apartment building, do you think…just maybe…you could handle not smoking your cigarette for FIFTEEN MINUTES. Set an example, dude!
ADULT TRUTH #2
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
Take, for instance, the PTA General Meeting. The one flipping thing I’m in charge of as Vice President. (At this point I am apologizing to anyone related to or friends with my nemesis…it’s just…well, it’s just me.)
Arrive at the elementary school and it is locked - custodian MIA. When we are finally able to catch his attention through another doorway, he saunters over and accuses us of being twenty minutes early.
Me: No, I asked for 6:30.
Him: No, your form said 7:00.
Me: (and yes, I should have shut up at that point) No, it said 6:30.
At this point I am of course thinking that I might of possibly wrote the wrong time…not on the reservation…but on the form I faxed over with the set-up diagram.
At this point he is probably thinking, “Suck it, bitch!”
Then we ask for our normal table in the hallway for people to pick up name tags and sign in. He points to a smaller table that he set up over by the fish tank “like my diagram said” and “why didn’t I say I just wanted the same set up as before.”
Me: I faxed the same form with the same set up that we used last year. I didn’t change anything.
Him: Well, you should have just told me that you wanted it the same and skipped the picture, because I put it like the picture.
Me: *defiant stare*
Seriously? I used the same god damn picture! That I know for an absolute fact. Or did I somehow change the picture when I copied it onto the new sheet?
I hate that feeling.
Until I go home and look at my form that clearly says 6:30 and looks the exact same as last year’s form. HA! You suck it, Mr. Custodian! I was right and I hope you went back and looked at my form to see how right I was, because it really gets me a teeny tiny bit worked up when people tell me I am wrong when I am most definitely always right!
P.S. We really appreciate that you set the chairs and tables up for us and let the babysitters use the equipment closet in the gym to keep the kids occupied.
DVR CHECK UP
So can you believe that 2 Broke Girls has the highest ratings of the new series that have premiered (according to “Entertainment Weekly”)? Who is watching this piece of crap? The 2 girls both appear to be reading cue cards a la Saturday Night Live - which is fine for a sketch comedy, but not a sitcom. Kat Dennings’ signature sarcastic delivery is apparently just masking the fact that she simply cannot act.
And Free Agents got cancelled after three episodes. There is no justice in this world.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Adult Truth #10
Adult Truth #10 Bad decisions make good stories.
My Top 5 Bad Decisions (Chronologically)
Panama City, Spring Break 1994
One hotel room, two beds, seven girls, 6 million roaches. Yes, we always kept the light on. Yes, there was a night when I slept on a lounge chair by the pool. Yes, a police officer asked me if I was okay.
Note to self: Shell out the big bucks for Morgan and Zoe to go somewhere cool like the Sedona Valley or Vail where there will be less fraternity boys and/or roaches.
Road Trip, Fall 1994
Mom: So what did you do this weekend?
Me: Joni and I borrowed Kristen’s boyfriend’s car, left Miami Friday after class, got to Mississippi State Saturday morning, went “mudding” with Joni’s boyfriend’s fraternity brothers, attended a keg party, woke up Sunday and drove back to Miami.
Mom: Why?
Me: We had never been “mudding” before.
Note to self: When you start seeing things on the Nachez Trace at 3 am in the morning, it’s time to pull over and go to sleep.
Put-N-Bay 1997
Items lost: Scott, Scott’s clothes, Scott’s wallet, Scott’s keys.
Items found: All of the above.
Location of items found: Scott wandered into the campsite on his own, everything else was found the next day on the ground by a row boat.
Note to self: You cannot ride a bicycle when you are too drunk to stand up straight.
Hookaville, Anytime, Anywhere
Most notably, the year Willie Nelson headlined. It rained the entire weekend. This would be the second time I got to go mudding.
Note to self: Do not park in a low-lying field during a 48-hour torrential downpour.
N’SYNC Celebrity Tour 2002
May or may not have spilled beer on the minors in front of us. Temporary deafness brought to you by the thousands of screaming teenagers that may or may not have been dressed like nickel whores. Blurry photos that may or may not have been caused by intoxication of the photographer.
Note to self: Be aware of your age and go on the NKOTB cruise instead.
My Top 5 Bad Decisions (Chronologically)
Panama City, Spring Break 1994
One hotel room, two beds, seven girls, 6 million roaches. Yes, we always kept the light on. Yes, there was a night when I slept on a lounge chair by the pool. Yes, a police officer asked me if I was okay.
Note to self: Shell out the big bucks for Morgan and Zoe to go somewhere cool like the Sedona Valley or Vail where there will be less fraternity boys and/or roaches.
Road Trip, Fall 1994
Mom: So what did you do this weekend?
Me: Joni and I borrowed Kristen’s boyfriend’s car, left Miami Friday after class, got to Mississippi State Saturday morning, went “mudding” with Joni’s boyfriend’s fraternity brothers, attended a keg party, woke up Sunday and drove back to Miami.
Mom: Why?
Me: We had never been “mudding” before.
Note to self: When you start seeing things on the Nachez Trace at 3 am in the morning, it’s time to pull over and go to sleep.
Put-N-Bay 1997
Items lost: Scott, Scott’s clothes, Scott’s wallet, Scott’s keys.
Items found: All of the above.
Location of items found: Scott wandered into the campsite on his own, everything else was found the next day on the ground by a row boat.
Note to self: You cannot ride a bicycle when you are too drunk to stand up straight.
Hookaville, Anytime, Anywhere
Most notably, the year Willie Nelson headlined. It rained the entire weekend. This would be the second time I got to go mudding.
Note to self: Do not park in a low-lying field during a 48-hour torrential downpour.
N’SYNC Celebrity Tour 2002
May or may not have spilled beer on the minors in front of us. Temporary deafness brought to you by the thousands of screaming teenagers that may or may not have been dressed like nickel whores. Blurry photos that may or may not have been caused by intoxication of the photographer.
Note to self: Be aware of your age and go on the NKOTB cruise instead.
Friday, September 9, 2011
Adult Truth #4
Adult Truth #4
There is great need for a sarcasm font.
It would be even better if it was just one of those buttons at the top of the MSWord document like the Bold and Italics button. Sarcasm button.
Pros
I would be able to stop using quotation marks around my sarcasm, thus eliminating the confusion for people who put quotes around “everything” and making my blog much more readable. See earlier post.
Would have come in handy when I was texting Scott about the “sweet” thing my department did to present me with my five-year lapel pin which I will quickly send in to Cash for Gold.
Cons
If you make it too easy, I just might use the thing all the time. It would be like those people that type in all capital letters all the time. STOP SHOUTING AT ME ALREADY!
As of right now, I can hide my sarcasm in an email and it appears as if I am being genuine. This is the reason I stopped having face to face conversations. If you give me the font, I’ll probably use it. And that will just open up a whole other can of worms.
I Digress
I have been in my current job for five years, but it actually seems longer. I was at Ernst & Young for six before I got kicked out for being a mom (kidding…not really), and I feel like I have been here twice as long.
Maybe because my former frequent flyer miles actually caused days to disappear out of my life never to be recovered and now I’m living each and every one of them out. Not sure.
Regardless, it’s been five glorious years. (Where is that font?)
Background: We have a manager meeting every Thursday at lunch time where we eat our lunch together and then talk about classified information. Like whether or not Kelly agrees with me that the Marnie storyline on True Blood has run its course. The conference room we usually meet in is currently on a floor under construction.
Scene 1 in which I get no less than twenty meeting invite updates in my inbox from our esteemed leader who is trying to change the meeting location.
Me: You are killing me.
Bill: (Innocently) ?
That was over instant message, he didn’t actually say “?”
Scene 2 in which I return from the restroom, check my calendar for the location, grab my scissors and head to 802. No, I don’t usually bring weapons to manager meetings, but today I had decided to multitask and cut out strips of paper to use at the PTA meeting for door prize entries. I sit down and start cutting, only slightly registering that the lines in the cafeteria must be long. That’s when I receive a text.
Mary: We are back up here from 10.
Me: Where is “here?” I’m in 802.
Mary: 1301
Me: I’ll get there when I get there.
I’m pretty sure the tone of that one made it across. Because, damnit, I rarely look at my calendar to confirm a room, trusting the people that I’m with know where they are going, but he had just sent out all those updates and I wasn’t stopping in the cafeteria with them, so I actually, for once in my f-ing life, made a point to look.
Scene 3 in which I walk in to the actual meeting room and the rest of the department is standing along the wall, saying “Surprise!”
Me: (Clearly annoyed and thinking that he has gathered everybody for some announcement and had them say surprise so I wouldn’t be mad that his update hadn’t made it to me.) What for?
Probably not the reaction anyone was going for. So, yeah, sweet!
There is great need for a sarcasm font.
It would be even better if it was just one of those buttons at the top of the MSWord document like the Bold and Italics button. Sarcasm button.
Pros
I would be able to stop using quotation marks around my sarcasm, thus eliminating the confusion for people who put quotes around “everything” and making my blog much more readable. See earlier post.
Would have come in handy when I was texting Scott about the “sweet” thing my department did to present me with my five-year lapel pin which I will quickly send in to Cash for Gold.
Cons
If you make it too easy, I just might use the thing all the time. It would be like those people that type in all capital letters all the time. STOP SHOUTING AT ME ALREADY!
As of right now, I can hide my sarcasm in an email and it appears as if I am being genuine. This is the reason I stopped having face to face conversations. If you give me the font, I’ll probably use it. And that will just open up a whole other can of worms.
I Digress
I have been in my current job for five years, but it actually seems longer. I was at Ernst & Young for six before I got kicked out for being a mom (kidding…not really), and I feel like I have been here twice as long.
Maybe because my former frequent flyer miles actually caused days to disappear out of my life never to be recovered and now I’m living each and every one of them out. Not sure.
Regardless, it’s been five glorious years. (Where is that font?)
Background: We have a manager meeting every Thursday at lunch time where we eat our lunch together and then talk about classified information. Like whether or not Kelly agrees with me that the Marnie storyline on True Blood has run its course. The conference room we usually meet in is currently on a floor under construction.
Scene 1 in which I get no less than twenty meeting invite updates in my inbox from our esteemed leader who is trying to change the meeting location.
Me: You are killing me.
Bill: (Innocently) ?
That was over instant message, he didn’t actually say “?”
Scene 2 in which I return from the restroom, check my calendar for the location, grab my scissors and head to 802. No, I don’t usually bring weapons to manager meetings, but today I had decided to multitask and cut out strips of paper to use at the PTA meeting for door prize entries. I sit down and start cutting, only slightly registering that the lines in the cafeteria must be long. That’s when I receive a text.
Mary: We are back up here from 10.
Me: Where is “here?” I’m in 802.
Mary: 1301
Me: I’ll get there when I get there.
I’m pretty sure the tone of that one made it across. Because, damnit, I rarely look at my calendar to confirm a room, trusting the people that I’m with know where they are going, but he had just sent out all those updates and I wasn’t stopping in the cafeteria with them, so I actually, for once in my f-ing life, made a point to look.
Scene 3 in which I walk in to the actual meeting room and the rest of the department is standing along the wall, saying “Surprise!”
Me: (Clearly annoyed and thinking that he has gathered everybody for some announcement and had them say surprise so I wouldn’t be mad that his update hadn’t made it to me.) What for?
Probably not the reaction anyone was going for. So, yeah, sweet!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Adult Truth #11
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Now this depends on your definition of productive. I mean, I personally consider studying the Fall TV Line Up productive. I have to make DVR arrangements. There are mathematical calculations involved.
Number of shows on a given night in a given hour or consecutive hour (because all shows are scheduled to record for five minutes after their scheduled end time – which did not help me on the VMAs, because they ran so far over it still cut off before The Hunger Games sneak peak.)
Number of shows total I can watch in a given week - Number of shows that Scott watches but doesn’t erase in a given week, thus causing me to go in at a later date and erase 10 Deadliest Catch, 7 Top Chef, and 13 My Super Sweet 16 (just kidding) all at once.
Number of hours available on my DVR given the fact that I am not allowed to remove certain items once they have been recorded, specifically from the Disney Channel.
That’s productive.
Going down to the Marriott, buying a Klondike bar and eating outside by the fountain while observing the Medical Mart construction…not so much.
Then again, there are certain things that I am required to do for my job that I also don’t consider productive, so maybe it all evens out in the end.
I guess we should only be nervous if this breaking point comes before lunch.
So for your viewing pleasure:
New Shows I’m Definitely Checking Out:
Up All Night and Free Agents (NBC sitcoms on Wednesday nights starting 9/14 and thankfully not conflicting with Modern Family)
2 Broke Girls (CBS sitcom on Monday starting 9/19 starring the girl from Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist)
New Girl (FOX sitcom on Tuesdays starting 9/20 starring Zooey Daeschenal who I love!)
Revenge (ABC drama on Wednesdays starting 9/21. It takes a very good pilot to get me hooked onto a drama, due to my television ADD.)
Whitney (NBC sitcom on Thursdays starting 9/22)
Suburgatory and How to Be a Gentleman (ABC sitcoms on Wednesdays starting 9/28. Hopefully, by the end of September I will have my Wednesday nights figured out, because adding these will put the DVR over the edge. But…hello? Kevin Dillon as a life coach? Sign me up.)
New Shows I Will Only Check Out if They Don’t Take Up DVR Real Estate:
Ringer (because Sarah Michelle Gellar…FKA Buffy…enough said)
Charlie’s Angels (because that’s how old I am)
A Gifted Man (because Patrick Wilson has been highly under-rated)
Pan Am (because I’ll try out a period show any day)
Terra Nova (because I’ll try out a SciFi show any day, too)
My Old DVR Setting Keepers:
Glee, Modern Family, Community (so excited they overlooked last year’s sophomore slump and kept this show on), and Boardwalk Empire.
Other Notable Items:
If October comes and I’m not out of my mind or DVR space, I may or may not check out: Homeland (Showtime), Hell on Wheels (AMC), Grimm (NBC), and Once Upon a Time (ABC)
Mario Lopez will be the host of a new hidden camera/reality show called H8R where he finds people that have gone on record as hating certain “celebrities” (using quotes because examples given are Snookie and Kim Kardashian) and arrange for these people to meet, giving the celebs a chance to change the “hater’s” mind. My question: Who the hell keeps giving this jock strap work? A.C. Slater, people! He still has a job while millions of Americans are on unemployment. Where is the justice?
I don’t watch Two and a Half Men, but I used to watch That 70’s Show. Do I think Ashton Kutcher can replace Charlie Sheen? I don’t know. Does his hair look bad in the promos? Most definitely.
I will not DVR it, but I will try to catch The Sing Off every now and again, if only to say hi to my good friend Nick Lachey (that’s for you, Leslie).
If you ever want to torture me, close me in a room and only play the following shows: CSI (any city), Law & Order (any unit), NCIS, Hawaii Five-O and Grey’s Anatomy.
Now this depends on your definition of productive. I mean, I personally consider studying the Fall TV Line Up productive. I have to make DVR arrangements. There are mathematical calculations involved.
Number of shows on a given night in a given hour or consecutive hour (because all shows are scheduled to record for five minutes after their scheduled end time – which did not help me on the VMAs, because they ran so far over it still cut off before The Hunger Games sneak peak.)
Number of shows total I can watch in a given week - Number of shows that Scott watches but doesn’t erase in a given week, thus causing me to go in at a later date and erase 10 Deadliest Catch, 7 Top Chef, and 13 My Super Sweet 16 (just kidding) all at once.
Number of hours available on my DVR given the fact that I am not allowed to remove certain items once they have been recorded, specifically from the Disney Channel.
That’s productive.
Going down to the Marriott, buying a Klondike bar and eating outside by the fountain while observing the Medical Mart construction…not so much.
Then again, there are certain things that I am required to do for my job that I also don’t consider productive, so maybe it all evens out in the end.
I guess we should only be nervous if this breaking point comes before lunch.
So for your viewing pleasure:
New Shows I’m Definitely Checking Out:
Up All Night and Free Agents (NBC sitcoms on Wednesday nights starting 9/14 and thankfully not conflicting with Modern Family)
2 Broke Girls (CBS sitcom on Monday starting 9/19 starring the girl from Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist)
New Girl (FOX sitcom on Tuesdays starting 9/20 starring Zooey Daeschenal who I love!)
Revenge (ABC drama on Wednesdays starting 9/21. It takes a very good pilot to get me hooked onto a drama, due to my television ADD.)
Whitney (NBC sitcom on Thursdays starting 9/22)
Suburgatory and How to Be a Gentleman (ABC sitcoms on Wednesdays starting 9/28. Hopefully, by the end of September I will have my Wednesday nights figured out, because adding these will put the DVR over the edge. But…hello? Kevin Dillon as a life coach? Sign me up.)
New Shows I Will Only Check Out if They Don’t Take Up DVR Real Estate:
Ringer (because Sarah Michelle Gellar…FKA Buffy…enough said)
Charlie’s Angels (because that’s how old I am)
A Gifted Man (because Patrick Wilson has been highly under-rated)
Pan Am (because I’ll try out a period show any day)
Terra Nova (because I’ll try out a SciFi show any day, too)
My Old DVR Setting Keepers:
Glee, Modern Family, Community (so excited they overlooked last year’s sophomore slump and kept this show on), and Boardwalk Empire.
Other Notable Items:
If October comes and I’m not out of my mind or DVR space, I may or may not check out: Homeland (Showtime), Hell on Wheels (AMC), Grimm (NBC), and Once Upon a Time (ABC)
Mario Lopez will be the host of a new hidden camera/reality show called H8R where he finds people that have gone on record as hating certain “celebrities” (using quotes because examples given are Snookie and Kim Kardashian) and arrange for these people to meet, giving the celebs a chance to change the “hater’s” mind. My question: Who the hell keeps giving this jock strap work? A.C. Slater, people! He still has a job while millions of Americans are on unemployment. Where is the justice?
I don’t watch Two and a Half Men, but I used to watch That 70’s Show. Do I think Ashton Kutcher can replace Charlie Sheen? I don’t know. Does his hair look bad in the promos? Most definitely.
I will not DVR it, but I will try to catch The Sing Off every now and again, if only to say hi to my good friend Nick Lachey (that’s for you, Leslie).
If you ever want to torture me, close me in a room and only play the following shows: CSI (any city), Law & Order (any unit), NCIS, Hawaii Five-O and Grey’s Anatomy.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Dirty Cups, Volume 376
I have to postpone my "Adult Truth Tuesday" because this tea party has made a mess of the cups.
Home Sweet Home
Best part about coming home from vacation? Feels like we live in a mansion. And for those of you who packed in to our spring beer tasting party like sardines, you know that is not the case.
First of all, we had a GREAT vacation and the villa was VERY nice....it was also the size of our living room. The whole thing. The size of our living room. I’m pretty sure I’m not exaggerating.
It really didn’t turn out to be much of a problem, but it was a slight shock to the system. I will say whoever took the pictures for the online listing is a genius!
Worst part about coming home from vacation? Still finding sand everywhere.
Girls were exceptional on the twelve hour ride home. Just to recap for your viewing pleasure: The Pacifier, Tinkerbell, Beauty and the Beast, and The Black Cauldron. (Zoe’s favorite part of The Pacifier? When the little girl tells Vin Diesel he has big boobs. Cracks her shit up!)
Week From Hell
Monday
*First day back to work (plus it was my new hire’s first day – I’m sure I made a great first impression).
*Elementary school Room Parent meeting. Only one other mom showed up for Morgan’s classroom and neither of us want to be the stinking room parent.
*Early Childhood PTA Budget Review. Perhaps one glass of wine too many? Nah.
Tuesday
*School supply shopping…nothing like waiting till the last minute. P.S. Why don’t they make pre-sharpened No.2 pencils? I have a blister from sharpening the requested TWENTY FOUR pencils. P.P.S. What the hell do you need a clean athletic sock for? I cannot wrap my head around that one.
*1st grade “open house”. Please refer to last year’s post at this time to understand how much it is NOT an open house. But at least we learned from our mistake. We weren’t even the last ones there. We’re improving! (Note: Still no volunteers for Room Parent. Finally, the mom that was at the meeting with me broke down and took it. For the record, it was easier to get two Lice Checkers than one Room Parent.)
Wednesday
*School clothes and lunch box shopping. Morgan has also requested if she could have “like a high school bag, not a backpack”, meaning she wants a messenger bag. WTF? Currently under debate, because there is absolutely nothing wrong with her backpack from last year. I mean, they don’t actually carry books in it, so it’s not like it’s worn out.
*Early Childhood PTA Board Meeting. We get to tell everyone the results of the FOUR HOUR budget meeting.
Thursday
*First day of school. I guess this really isn’t a tough day for me. I’m taking the day off so I can be at the bus stop at pick up and drop off. And I’ll spend the rest of the time alone with Zoe…so maybe it IS the toughest day for me.
The weekend cannot come fast enough. So I will leave you with this after all...
Adult Truth #9
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Home Sweet Home
Best part about coming home from vacation? Feels like we live in a mansion. And for those of you who packed in to our spring beer tasting party like sardines, you know that is not the case.
First of all, we had a GREAT vacation and the villa was VERY nice....it was also the size of our living room. The whole thing. The size of our living room. I’m pretty sure I’m not exaggerating.
It really didn’t turn out to be much of a problem, but it was a slight shock to the system. I will say whoever took the pictures for the online listing is a genius!
Worst part about coming home from vacation? Still finding sand everywhere.
Girls were exceptional on the twelve hour ride home. Just to recap for your viewing pleasure: The Pacifier, Tinkerbell, Beauty and the Beast, and The Black Cauldron. (Zoe’s favorite part of The Pacifier? When the little girl tells Vin Diesel he has big boobs. Cracks her shit up!)
Week From Hell
Monday
*First day back to work (plus it was my new hire’s first day – I’m sure I made a great first impression).
*Elementary school Room Parent meeting. Only one other mom showed up for Morgan’s classroom and neither of us want to be the stinking room parent.
*Early Childhood PTA Budget Review. Perhaps one glass of wine too many? Nah.
Tuesday
*School supply shopping…nothing like waiting till the last minute. P.S. Why don’t they make pre-sharpened No.2 pencils? I have a blister from sharpening the requested TWENTY FOUR pencils. P.P.S. What the hell do you need a clean athletic sock for? I cannot wrap my head around that one.
*1st grade “open house”. Please refer to last year’s post at this time to understand how much it is NOT an open house. But at least we learned from our mistake. We weren’t even the last ones there. We’re improving! (Note: Still no volunteers for Room Parent. Finally, the mom that was at the meeting with me broke down and took it. For the record, it was easier to get two Lice Checkers than one Room Parent.)
Wednesday
*School clothes and lunch box shopping. Morgan has also requested if she could have “like a high school bag, not a backpack”, meaning she wants a messenger bag. WTF? Currently under debate, because there is absolutely nothing wrong with her backpack from last year. I mean, they don’t actually carry books in it, so it’s not like it’s worn out.
*Early Childhood PTA Board Meeting. We get to tell everyone the results of the FOUR HOUR budget meeting.
Thursday
*First day of school. I guess this really isn’t a tough day for me. I’m taking the day off so I can be at the bus stop at pick up and drop off. And I’ll spend the rest of the time alone with Zoe…so maybe it IS the toughest day for me.
The weekend cannot come fast enough. So I will leave you with this after all...
Adult Truth #9
I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Adult Truth #13
Yep, I still got nothin'.
Adult Truth #13
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to
What’s more terrifying? When I open a document that is attached to an email; make…oh…I don’t know…a TRILLION changes to it and hit “save”. Only to realize, the next day, that I didn’t hit “save as” to my hard drive, so really I just saved it to my Lotus Notes temporary file, which is…well…temporary.
Can’t decide which is worse.
That memo where I agonized over the precise wording that is both a high level summary yet detailed enough to keep people (and by people, I mean auditors) from asking me follow up questions?
Or that download to excel that I just formatted the bejeezus out of in order to give it any semblance of perceived value?
Slightly less terrifying, but still annoying, are the questions excel asks upon opening.
Disable or enable macros?
I feel like I should always say disable. I don’t know why. It’s my gut instinct. A macro sounds bad. Like some sort of virus. Yet, the answer is almost always enable.
This spreadsheet is linked to information in a different spreadsheet, do you wish to update this spreadsheet with the information from the different spreadsheet? (Okay, that might not be the exact question, but you get the point.)
I would like the option to ask who the hell updated the other spreadsheet and how do I know they are not a complete fuck nut that is totally screwing with me?
P.S. (sorry, Joe) File annoyance #368: Making all edits to a document titled “version 4”, only to find out we are on version 7.
Adult Truth #13
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to
What’s more terrifying? When I open a document that is attached to an email; make…oh…I don’t know…a TRILLION changes to it and hit “save”. Only to realize, the next day, that I didn’t hit “save as” to my hard drive, so really I just saved it to my Lotus Notes temporary file, which is…well…temporary.
Can’t decide which is worse.
That memo where I agonized over the precise wording that is both a high level summary yet detailed enough to keep people (and by people, I mean auditors) from asking me follow up questions?
Or that download to excel that I just formatted the bejeezus out of in order to give it any semblance of perceived value?
Slightly less terrifying, but still annoying, are the questions excel asks upon opening.
Disable or enable macros?
I feel like I should always say disable. I don’t know why. It’s my gut instinct. A macro sounds bad. Like some sort of virus. Yet, the answer is almost always enable.
This spreadsheet is linked to information in a different spreadsheet, do you wish to update this spreadsheet with the information from the different spreadsheet? (Okay, that might not be the exact question, but you get the point.)
I would like the option to ask who the hell updated the other spreadsheet and how do I know they are not a complete fuck nut that is totally screwing with me?
P.S. (sorry, Joe) File annoyance #368: Making all edits to a document titled “version 4”, only to find out we are on version 7.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Adult Truth #1
I've been having a little writer's block, and while going through some old e-mails I ran across a "forward" called Adult Truths, so....new feature.
Adult Truth Tuesday. In which I shamelessly steal someones idea.
Adult Truth #1
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
This might be a job for more than one person.
D - Please remove all "fiction" regardless of password protection. As for the passwords...chances are even I don't remember them. If you choose to publish anything posthumously, for the love of god, please give me a pseudonym and a good editor.
G - You are in charge of any Internet content that could be construed as "stalking". I trust you are familiar. This includes frequent visits to the Joey McIntyre website and/or Boy Band Lovers Anonymous. It wouldn't hurt to look for cookies having to do with Bradley Cooper either. On a related note, you can probably notify all of the above that they can remove their restraining orders.
Y - as my senior staff, you have the following responsibilities (which also apply if I am fired):
1. Go through my "sent" folder and delete anything that wasn't sent to someone in our corporate Lotus Notes directory.
2. Change my "out of office" message to..."I'm out, sucka! Send it to someone who gives a sh*t!"
3. Remove my IMDB and Wikipedia history.
4. Give laptop to D&G to repeat above tasks.
Adult Truth Tuesday. In which I shamelessly steal someones idea.
Adult Truth #1
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
This might be a job for more than one person.
D - Please remove all "fiction" regardless of password protection. As for the passwords...chances are even I don't remember them. If you choose to publish anything posthumously, for the love of god, please give me a pseudonym and a good editor.
G - You are in charge of any Internet content that could be construed as "stalking". I trust you are familiar. This includes frequent visits to the Joey McIntyre website and/or Boy Band Lovers Anonymous. It wouldn't hurt to look for cookies having to do with Bradley Cooper either. On a related note, you can probably notify all of the above that they can remove their restraining orders.
Y - as my senior staff, you have the following responsibilities (which also apply if I am fired):
1. Go through my "sent" folder and delete anything that wasn't sent to someone in our corporate Lotus Notes directory.
2. Change my "out of office" message to..."I'm out, sucka! Send it to someone who gives a sh*t!"
3. Remove my IMDB and Wikipedia history.
4. Give laptop to D&G to repeat above tasks.
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