Monday, February 15, 2010

Things We Should Have Figured Out By Now

I have a common gripe concerning our ability to launch rockets into space, make computer generated Transformers look real, and create "washable" markers, but we haven't found a way to make an affordable car that doesn't run on fossil fuel. I try not get into conspiracy theory, but come on...that just doesn't make sense.

Here are some other things of which I am baffled by our lack of progress.

Cheetos/Doritos that don't turn your finger's orange.

Re-sealable chip bags. Note to FritoLay: call Ziplock. Easy-peasy. This is, as they say in the consultant world, low hanging fruit.

A vehicle that tells you when you have left something on the roof, BEFORE you pull out of your driveway.

A vehicle that tells you when you have forgotten your laptop on the counter BEFORE you get to work.

Teleportation - GET ON THIS!

Self-cleaning bathtubs/showers. This should be easier than self-cleaning ovens.

A washing machine that detects when tights and items with Velcro get in the same cycle.

A dryer that matches socks.

A dishwasher that tells your significant other when they put something in the wrong spot.

Instruction manuals for children. In any language. I would be willing to hire a translator if it has to be in Chinese.


  1. I totally agree with almost everything that you said here! I hate velcro! I used to find it useful, but I have lost count of the clothes that have been totally ruined by it!
    And, finding that you have left your lap-top at home, just when you needed it most! (Hey! I know a song like that!)

  2. You are one funny lady there in your Wonderland.

    I don't have a problem with tights and velcro because I don't own any velcro stuff.

    And I'll NEVER learn how to load the dishwasher or the clotheswasher (one word or two?).

    I think some people get their car washed only when they leave their Starbucks on the roof.

    And I know why you want an instruction manual for the girls: so YOU don't have to explain female plumbing and the birds and bees. (I was delivered by a stork, BTW.)

    Great post, Alice.

  3. Teleportation would make it easier for me to see my friend -- whose wit I greatly miss.

  4. (Tina) IDK about your zip-lock idea. Sometimes the fact that the Doritos have gone stale is the only thing that keeps me from eating the rest of the bag!

  5. alice - it's a love-hate relationship with velcro

    charlie - from you, i take that as a HUGE compliment. thank you.

    dk - i watched the boys, just for you.

    t - there is NOTHING wrong with eating the whole bag. i wish you would stop that foolishness.

  6. Oh, I totally agree with you on that!
    I love to hate velcro!