Rock N Jock Revival

So for those of you that tend to tune me out and therefore are unaware of the fact that I have obsessions other than The Hunger Games, I am campaigning to bring back MTV’s Rock N Jock softball game.

This new quest is a direct result of two things. My deep desire to find a cause I could absolutely stand behind one hundred percent…and three or more Kirschner Vodka Tumblers consumed while reliving the years 1989 – 1992 with D&G. (FYI - not Dolce & Gabana)

When I first announced this quest on facebook, November 8, 2011 (a day that will henceforth live in infamy), I had little to go on other than a vague inclination that it had been spoken of in a drunken stupor in September.

After I did a little more research…I still had little to go on. Because – apparently - there is next to no video footage available. The only articles I was able to find were outraged protests at the lack of video footage available. The best source I found was a blog written not more than two weeks prior to my facebook post on this very same subject. That’s a SIGN, people!

A sign that the time has come. I’m not satisfied with just getting my hands on the video replays. I want an honest to goodness softball game. And I want Bill Bellamy and Dan Cortese to coach. And I want Chris Connelly to give play-by-play. (Oh geez, I probably should have made sure these people aren’t dead yet.)

And you can bet your ass that I want the Jonas Brothers to take the outfield. (Yes, the point is that they are not quite relevant any more – remember the Nelson twins?) And I want Ty Burrell from Modern Family, because that would be some seriously funny shit. And that guy that plays Castle, because he shows up every where.

The real trick is definitely going to be finding some non-douchebag athletes. We may have to resort to women’s soccer and the WWE. I mean, we can always count on the snow boarders and BMX crew if we have to.

I have one rule.

There will be zero, nada, zilch, absolutely NO reality show anti-celebrities allowed on the field. Unless it is to get extra points or automatic home runs for beaning them in the head.

You guys think I’m joking. I will let you know when I have my all-star roster in place. And I will most certainly let you know when MTV calls me to produce the whole damn thing.

Feel free to sign your name in the comments if you agree with my campaign.

Damn Yankees

But before I get to those Yankees...

The other day we finally got to turn off the air conditioning (but today it's back on). I went around the house opening windows and had a sudden burst of nostalgia. It was early evening. The traffic had died down and you could hear the wind in the branches and the birds and the waves on the lake.

I was suddenly transported to North Main Street circa 1980. I'm six years old. In this memory, I'm at the Sivinski's and we've been sent inside to bed while the parents stay up around the campfire built in the empty lot between Sivinski's and Dillon's.

I'm on the floor of living room on top of one of the madras plaid sleeping bags. I remember those because the outside of them were itchy. This was before the sleeping bag that looked like a bag of Doritos made it's way into their linen closet.

**Sigh** those were the days. So maybe we do need to buy that house next to the Kerber's, so we can send our kids in to bed while we throw back a couple PBRs? Then again, would we ever trust Zoe and Paige together...unsupervised?

And now those Yankees....

I park at Progressive field because it is cheap. Really cheap. The downside to this is that on game nights you have to be out by 5:30 pm or you are charged another dollar each additional 15 minutes you are over.

I have no problem with this rule, as I will gladly leave work as early as humanly possible without getting fired. And I typically have no problem with traffic at that time (especially since the Indians suck so bad).

But Tuesday...my only possible explanation for this scenario is the onslaught of Yankee fans coming to watch the game.

I have never seen such incompetent parking skills in all my life.

1. It is essential that they back into the parking space. Because god forbid they have to wait an extra 60 seconds to back out of their parking spot when they want to leave after the game. Never mind the fact that this person, namely - ME, is trying to leave NOW.

2. In spite of their deep desire to back into a spot, they cannot accomplish this task in less than 20 maneuvers ("Man-oooo-vers" - Eddie Izzard). I will freely admit that I am not good driving in reverse, but here's the difference. I DON'T BACK INTO MY F-ING SPACE!

Sidebar: Equally annoying, but quite infrequent compared to last year, the Little Missus across the street, taking her Maserati out for a spin. The amount of time it takes her to get turned around in her driveway is ridiculous, and that car is LOUD. If you can afford a Maserati, you can afford a valet to turn your car around for you.