Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Sibling Rivalry

I have an older and younger brother. Neither of them read my blog.

My older brother spent the majority of his adolescence teasing my younger brother mercilessly. Whether by gender or by my cloak of invisibility, I somehow escaped this rite of passage. In later years, I helped pile on the abuse, so I do feel a little guilty.

Honestly, he made it pretty easy. John didn't have one imaginary friend, he had an army. He sucked his finger for a long time. But probably his biggest disadvantage was how quickly he cracked - to tears as a toddler or to absolute rage as he got older - think Red Ross from Friends. (He should have stuck to tears, because rage just made Charlie laugh harder.)

Having daughters a similar age has brought me closer with the little pest, and I have come to appreciate what a great dad and uncle he is. But, as we've made our way into adulthood, I'm ashamed to admit that Charlie and I still gang up on him.

Shortly before the holidays, I started noticing how positive his facebook status updates were. I'm not down with that. I took to sarcastically commenting on his posts with mature responses like, "Isn't that just glitterific!" and "Zippadee Do Da!" This has not deterred him, which means I've had to take drastic measures.

Charlie is not on facebook, so I took a moment this weekend to bring him up to date on some of the rainbows and kittens that John's been pooping out lately. Subsequent to this, and unbeknownst (is that a word?) to John, I have been forwarding the more repugnant status updates to Charlie via e-mail.

Please note that the below status update is not his worst offense, but Charlie's response is why I am proud to call him my brother.

To: Charlie
From: Anna
Re: facebook status update

John - 2 hours ago (punctuation his)

What a day finished barbi's bed. Fixed my truck. Now e-check new tags for both trucks and need a new drivers license

To: Anna
From: Charlie
Re: Re: facebook status update

Why on earth would he need plates and a new driver’s license…is there a birthday coming up????
I hope all those who were not aware of the birthday can catch that subtle hint without getting lost in the intrigue of the story. It’s like the words were painted on the computer screen with careful brush strokes.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOHN! Thanks for reminding us!

For those of you keeping up with our strange family gatherings. This Sunday the extended Kirschner family is getting together for one of our group birthday celebrations. This one is to celebrate anyone born between the months of January and June. Which means...happy birthday to me, too.


  1. Charlie's response is one of the funniest things I've read in a while. I'd love to see all the commentary between you two regarding John's "intriguing" status updates. May be an idea for an entirely new blog spot all together.

    By the way, Paul was very amused by Morgan the other night and thinks she is one of the smartest little girls he's met. I tried teasing her about her "friend", Adam, and she promptly told me to "zip it"...


  2. Morgan had such a good time that night, she asked if we could do it again the next night. And charlie was in rare form on Sunday. I had him more fired up than I had intended.

  3. It doesn't matter how many times I read Charlie's response; I still keep cracking up. Classic Cousin Charlie. As for "unbeknownst," it is one of my favorite words. I try to use it in conversation at least once a week, just to sound even older than I already do. :)