Sunday, February 19, 2012

Queen of Mean

Sometimes when I get in the shower, it's fun to start counting to myself to see how long it will take for one of the girls to come ask me for something.

This morning's example...potentially 7.8 seconds in, but that's just rounding.

Morgan: Mom, Zoe and I bumped heads.
Zoe: And I bumped my forehead.
Me: Seeing as you are both standing here in this room talking to me, and neither of you is actually crying, I think you will live and this was a perfectly pointless conversation.

See, I can't even stand being interupted when I'm doing something I don't like (dishes, exercising, laundry). So interrupting something enjoyable probably causes the sarcasm gene to rear its ugly head pretty damn quick.

Sometimes when I'm home by myself I stand in the shower for 30 minutes, regardless of whether I need one. Silence is golden. (Until I start singing show tunes, that is.)

Here are some of the more common shower interuptions and my responses, ranging from mild to Evil Queen depending on how many times I have been asked the question that day.

"I'm thirsty."

  • Do you see the sink and drinking cup behind you, or did it disappear?

  • Stick your head in the shower and open your mouth.

  • Go check Potter's water dish. (I would actually never use this one on Zoe, because there is a 75% chance she would take me up on it.)

  • I guess you will just dehydrate then.

"Do you know where my _________ is?"

  • Where did you leave it? (I think this one is actually kind of helpful.)

  • No.

  • Pretend I'm dead...what would you do?

  • No, but when I find it, I'm going to throw it in the trash.

"Zoe/Morgan has done something mildly annoying, but I'm going to act like it is the end of the world and wish she had never been born."

  • Go to your room. (That's it. Tattling is almost worse than interupting.)

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