Say Cheese

Just a few notes of thanks for the last year.

To Grandparents (and Great Aunts and an occasional Uncle) who provide a steady stream of free babysitting – we could not do it without you. And to the step-nieces that get a small fee – you are well worth it.

To AT&T Uverse – it’s been a bumpy road this year. Thanks for the new receiver and router. I think we are finally set. P.S. Your hold times still blow.

To Morgan and Zoe who continue to be the standard by which I measure myself. Some days are epic fails, but thankfully the successes outnumber them – for now.

To HoHo who has not been the death of Potter – yet.

To new friends who have come into our lives at a time when I thought I was too old to make new friends – despite the fact that you occasionally show up in my blog and have seen what happens when I do shots, you’re still here. Phew!

To old friends who know things about me that are best kept to themselves – we may have less time together now, but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish I could see you.

To Suri’s Burn Book – just one of a few examples I can site of people who are meaner than me.

To Scott…earlier this month he came home and said, “Did you know they already have the Christmas music going on Sirius?” Guess what station has been on in his car almost every time I’ve gotten in? And when we had that really cold spell before this last warm one he said, “I suppose we better make room for the cat in the basement so I don’t get blamed for him dying.” Guess who cleaned the entire basement this weekend?

I’m thankful he is such a closet cheeseball, because I get a lot of allowances.

How to Cook a Turkey

Morgan's first grade class was given the assignment to write directions for cooking a turkey.

The instructions also state they should include a list of ingredients, oven temperature and time; but clearly Morgan felt those things to be less than important. Obviously the ingredient is one turkey and a hot oven until it is done.

It is also clear that Morgan finds vowels optional.

1. The frst thing to shoot a trcey.
(Should I be worried that she was able to spell the word "shoot" correctly?)

2. then you rost a trcey
(I should warn those of you that have stumbled onto this blog because you actually want to know how to cook a turkey that there are actually several steps between 1 and 2, so maybe consult another source.)

3. then we tac it owt of the uvin
(That is how oven should be spelled. The English language makes no sense! Also, when I read the word owt, I wondered if the turkey got hurt by the tac.)

4. then we put it on the chray
(Chray makes total sense, as well. Ugh! No wonder our kids are illiterate.)

5. then we srv it to my famle.
(Just in case you were planning on using it as a decoration instead.)

Curtsy While You're Thinking. It Saves Time.

SIDEBAR

The best part of waking up at three in the morning because your little one needs a drink is realizing that you still have three more hours to sleep. The worst part? WAKING UP AT THREE IN THE MORNING!

REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING

I feel like the month of November should be relaxing. I will be taking down the Halloween decorations today. I’m not in charge of anything pertaining to Thanksgiving other than showing up. I only have the following obligations:

Taking the girls to see The Wizard of Oz play.

2 ECPTA field trips with Zoe (including a tour of Heinen’s – so she can show everyone where the bathroom is – and a tour of Chick Fil A – her FAVORITE place to eat! Holla!)

ECPTA General Meeting, ECPTA Board Meeting, ECPTA State of the Homes Tour Meeting, ECPTA Girls Night, PTA Scholarship Auction, ECPTA Adult Outing Beer Tasting.

Oh and I also have to volunteer for the no-fun PTA (elementary school) at the Book Fair.

And then there is a Relay for Life Captains/Committee meeting. Which I’m only attending because I’m the co-captain of the ECPTA’s team.

Yeah…written out like that, my life is very sad.

Also, I must take the girls to see The Muppet Movie. I totally screwed Morgan over on A Dolphin Tale, because we knew Zoe couldn’t sit through it.

SEEN AND HEARD

In the car

Zoe: Do we have robots in our tummies for when our brains don’t work?

Mommy: I wish.

On my facebook wall

Michelle: I totally just headbutted you but...Tim [our cab driver] is wearing stretch pants!!!!

(I promise, we were drunk, but that might be my favorite quote ever!)

Zoe had a bad cold and wasn’t quite up to trick-or-treating

Morgan: I promise you can have some of my candy, Zoe.

(Not sure I will ever hear something like that again, so it needs to be recorded for posterity.)

Belated Thanksgivings

I know you've all been patiently waiting for another installment of my so called life...I regret to inform you this isn't it. (But I have it waiting in the wings for my next post, which won't be so long in coming.)

1. My oldest brother is in a Coronary Care Unit due to some life-threatening (at the time) blood clots post knee surgery.

2. We awoke at 3 am last night to water dripping from our bedroom ceiling. Turned out to be a minor problem due to the massive wind (or so we are hoping), but unnerving none the less. I spent the rest of the night dreaming about rain pouring in all over the house.

3. There's been a case of head lice in the kindergarten classroom that will require me to pay close attention to Morgan's hair hygiene for the next couple of weeks.

4. My iPod has mysteriously gone missing.

I'm thankful for hospitals and doctors and CAT scans and blood-thinning pharmaceuticals and my brother's fiance for forcing him into the emergency room. I'm thankful Scott and I have friends and family with which to share holidays, health concerns, legal advice and Caddyshack jokes.

I'm thankful for our beautiful old house that keeps us safe and warm and looks great in retro Christmas lights and doesn't look like either house next to it. And that I have heat and electricity and water....and cable.

I'm thankful for our two children and all the germs, stray dogs, rocks, flowers, laughter, sand, acorns, birds nests, hugs, and head lice they may or may not bring with them; because that means they're alive and here with me. (And able to make the comment, "Look, there's a turkey strangling a pilgrim!" when we see a large inflatable from the highway.)

And I'm thankful for MP3 players where ever they are, but I'm also thankful I'm not opposed to singing Christmas carols and Glee soundtracks without accompaniment.

Giving Thanks

It goes without saying, that I'm thankful for my friends and family, but I just said it anyway. I'm thankful we have food and shelter and jobs to keep it that way. Though I'm not too thankful for Scott's job, because it sucks so bad. I'm thankful for my little marine biologist and the devil's spawn.

I'm thankful for reality TV because it makes my life look a lot better. And I'm thankful for works of fiction so I can escape it. I'm thankful to the library for making it free. (Special thanks to Professor B Worm for reviewing"The Hunger Games" - that's the best book I've read in quite a while.)

I'm thankful I no longer have to find every one's e-mail address when I want to write something mildly amusing.

Morgan is thankful for everyone, but most notably Thea (her caregiver) and Santa Claus. She is also thankful for belugas, humpbacks, orcas, dolphins, penguins and sharks - even robot sharks. Obviously, she's thankful for Pixar and Noggin. And a man named Steven Spielberg.

Zoe is most likely thankful for her lung capacity, vocal chords, and motor skills that allow her to stomp on the floor and swing her arms wildly above her head at the same time. I'm also pretty sure she's thankful for Oreos and M&Ms, but who isn't? Add to that list anyone willing to wrestle with her, give her pony rides on their foot, or let her stick rocks in her mouth.

I'm sure Scott's thankful I write this blog instead of vacuuming or remembering to pick up the dry cleaning. But perhaps slightly more thankful he doesn't have to take blood pressure medication anymore and can fit into clothes he wore in high school (though I'm thankful he doesn't choose to do this).

I'm not yet thankful to the Ohio Lottery, but I hope to be someday soon.

I'm thankful to those people who already have their Christmas lights on, because now I have a blog topic for next week.