Poor Man's Edition of Entertainment Weekly

Movies

First of all, did anyone else notice that John Cusack is playing the role of Edgar Allen Poe in the movie The Raven? Holy Excellent Casting, Batman! Finally, a casting director that doesn’t go for the obvious (Depp). The movie is not an adaptation of The Raven, but rather about a serial killer inspired by Poe’s work, which Poe himself is asked to help stop. Looks interesting. And I always choose Lloyd Dobbler.

“She gave me a pen. I gave her my heart, she gave me a pen.”

Second of all…Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Killer. Tagline…are you a patriot or are you a vampire? How great is it to see my favorite president kicking some vampire ass? Beyond words.

In the movie Looper, an older version of the character played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt will be played by Bruce Willis. Do I buy this? I don’t think so.

Why is there a Hunger Games 4 on IMDB? There were only three books. Please do not tell me they are going to split book 3 into two movies. BREAK THE CYCLE! If Lord of the Rings didn’t need to do it, NOBODY needs to do it!

On a related note, if you think I don’t have my ticket for the midnight viewing on Thursday, you don’t know me AT ALL!

Television

Scott mentioned that he heard reality TV has made being a hillbilly cool (or something like that, I was trying to listen to Paul Jr. reveal his latest bike). I don’t know what he’s talking about, but maybe I’ve been too busy lately with my “To Do List”

1. Check on illegal moonshine distillery in my parents woods.
2. Repo the pick up truck from the guy that owns the storage facility where I lost the bid on that locker auction.
3. Patent my newest duck caller.
4. Hunt down the douche that skipped bond on me.
5. Dig for gold in the Bering Sea.

This blog’s namesake is making a guest appearance on Once Upon a Time next Sunday. When Morgan and I had the Hatter sighting in the preview after this week's episode, we both gasped and looked at each other at the same time. Not sad, not sad at all. For fans of The Who...Roger Daltry is going to be the voice of the caterpillar. Also loved that two seconds later I got a text from Melissa. You are starting to know me too well.

Back up a week...Scott’s parents watched the girls the Sunday night we took Gramy to hear an orchestra. When they asked about bedtime, I said that they could stay up for Once Upon a Time, but then had to go to bed.

When we got home, I asked how bedtime went and was informed that everything went as intended. Then Papa Turtle said something along the lines of “that show’s a little weird” with some concern in his voice.

Upon watching the episode later that week, I realized the fairy tale they twisted up this time around was Little Red Riding Hood and (SPOILER ALERT) Red is the wolf! And she killed people. Including her boyfriend Peter. And there was a lot of blood. Hmmmm….questioning my parenting skills again. Probably should have recorded that one first to see if it was appropriate. Live and learn.

Books

Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children. If you like the Young Adult genre and paranormal activity, I highly recommend! It’s been a great read in a time when I really needed a great read. Everything has been so “blah” lately.

Wardrobes Are Like Rabbit Holes

Ever since we saw our cousin’s play, the girls have been obsessed with Narnia.

We had to watch the movie immediately…several times. They started pretending they were the Pevensie children on an adventure. And all Barbies got renamed to Susan and Lucy. Since we don’t have any Ken dolls for some reason, Peter and Edmund were stolen from the Fisher Price Little People households.

After the fourth viewing I said, “You know, there are two other movies that came after this one…” And thus I was off to the library in search of *sigh* Prince Caspian. While there, the friendly librarian pointed to the counter and showed me that someone had just returned The Voyage of the Dawn Treader so I took both home.

If we are not watching the Disney Channel in preparation for the Family Wizard Tournament in which we will finally know if Justin, Alex, or Max get to keep their powers (the girls want Alex, but frankly it would be irresponsible of Disney to give it to anyone but Justin); we are watching Narnia.

And after our next trip to the library, we are now reading Narnia (in publication order, thank you very much – none of this chronological BS that the publishers impose upon us). Both girls willingly head to bed earlier upon the promise of another chapter.

Morgan adores Peter. When Susan kisses Caspian at the end of the second movie, she giggles and tells me, “Susan should be with Peter and Lucy should be with Edmund.”

Hmmm…considering they are siblings, I’m pretty sure even West Virginia doesn’t go for that sort of thing.

Personally, I’m with Susan. Peter is kind of patronizing and bossy. Caspian is a much better adolescent literary crush, right along with Henry Huggins from the Ramona books. Then she can move on to the Sweet Valley High twins’ brother Steven (who turns out to be gay in the adult follow up installment – huh?). Then, if precedent is followed, she’ll make the huge leap to the classics and fall for Atticus Finch, Colonel Brandon, and Nick Carraway (not sure how he snuck in there with the old men).

All I need to do is keep her away from the cartoon Transformers so she doesn’t fall for a yellow punch buggy and insist if he was a real person he would be cute and want to marry her.

In case you’re wondering, I didn’t have many friends as a kid.

CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

It has been brought to my attention that I should be giving my final opinion on the conclusion of the Harry Potter Empire. I’m not sure how much my opinion really matters one way or another, but I guess maybe I could attempt to explain to you why I am in mourning for The Boy Who Lived.

MOVIE AND BOOK SPOILERS!

Background

Back in 2000…I happened to mention that I wondered what all this Harry Potter hype was about. I thought Mr. Potter was the author; his name was so prominently displayed on all the book jackets.

I received the first three books for my birthday, finished them within nano-seconds and promptly went and bought Goblet of Fire the day it was released. Then spent the next THREE years reading fan fiction to tide me over until The Order of the Phoenix was published. (My early days of Ernst & Young left me with a LOT of time on my hands.)

I reserved tickets for the opening day of The Sorcerer’s Stone. I had t-shirts. I was “sorted” into Ravenclaw. I stalked the Oberlin book store for a maroon and gold scarf. I drove to Border’s to get my pre-ordered Half-Blood Prince hours before leaving on vacation and I read Deathly Hallows by flashlight when our power went out. I named my dog Potter for Christsakes!

This might seem odd for a grown person to do. I can’t disagree with you.

Why I Love the Books

Would I classify the books as literary works of staggering genius?

Style – No. There is some cringe-worthy dialogue, a few over-used plot devices, and many more pages than necessary for the sake of the story (with the exception of the first three books).

Substance – Yes. There is no denying that she spawned a renewed interest in reading to a generation of kids that may have never seen the inside of a library otherwise. Her books are so rich with characters and her world is so vividly set in front of you, that you have to be dead inside to not want more of it. It’s not Charles Dickens, people. It’s fairy tale.

Is it original?

No – The hero myth has been used since the beginning of time in storytelling and she has one of the most faithful adaptations to it with the thankful exception that she refrained from killing off our hero.

Yes – The depth that she gave to each character keeps it from being just a hero myth. It’s about friendship and loyalty as much as it is about good versus evil as much as it is about choosing your own path. Harry Potter can be a “brave little toaster” (Chamber of Secrets), whiny little bitch (Order of the Phoenix), and a selfless savior (Deathly Hallows). He grows…and sometimes regresses…the whole way. Those heroes are few and far between.

What I like best…

…is what they opened me up to. As a child, I loved fantasy…Roald Dahl (of Willie Wonka fame, but James and the Giant Peach was the best), E. B. White (Charolette’s Web) and Robert O’Brian (The Rats of Nihm) were huge favorites. Guess what? As an adult…I still love them. And I had almost forgotten how much.

It made me go back and read things I missed as a kid…Baum’s Wonderful World of Oz and Lewis’s Narnia.

And it made me pick up new things I would have otherwise ignored…Pullman’s Dark Materials and Collin’s Hunger Games (both of which are stylistically written a thousand times better than HP).

Why I Love the Movies

I thought I would hate the movies. They couldn’t possibly come close the Hogwarts in my head. But they actually managed it brilliantly whether they planned on it or not. The supporting cast alone had us all drooling (Hello! ALAN F-ING RICKMAN!) despite the unknown nature of the three central characters.

Having Columbus direct the first two made the focus on the characters of Harry, Ron and Hermione. Their faithfulness to the book made you become comfortable with the actors. Being comfortable with the actors makes you a little more agreeable to artistic license with the material.

Cuaron got the “coming of age” story, which was right up his alley. Prisoner of Azkaban was my favorite book and my favorite movie, despite the fact that it was the first to start the traumatic separation of church and state (read: book and movie). If Columbus had made that movie it would have been too light (and too long), if Yates had done it – way too dark. And Gary F-ing Oldman!

Newell had the odds against him. Kloves and Rowling had to cut the Goblet of Fire screenplay drastically from the original manuscript. The effects had to be better. The mood had to be darker and take a serious turn away from a “kids” movie (up to PG-13). And this guy’s resume is all over the place. I know there’s controversy over this one, but I thought it was seemless. And I think the trick is to NOT re-read the book right before the movie. I took the movie for what it was and didn’t compare. End of story.

Which brings us to Yates and the last three books.

My second favorite movie was Order of the Phoenix - which is odd, because I was so annoyed by Harry in the book. But it finally left Hogwarts. So, visually, it was the most appealing to me. (Although, it also marked the moment I had to accept that Sirius was really and truly dead, so I had no hope of him returning in the yet-unpublished Hallows). This was Helena Bonham-Carter at her craziest and she rocked it.

The Half-Blood Prince was more about a love story to me, so this is the only film that left me wanting more. Everyone hop aboard the good ship Harry and Ginny. Who cares that the Death Eaters are on a rampage and the Ministry has taken over the school. Harry is finally in love with Ginny and all will be right with the world…That message did not get delivered.

I thought The Deathly Hallows was much too long of a book. Maybe Rowling had gotten Stephenie Meyer (Twilight) Syndrome. So when I heard Yates was cutting it into two movies, I sensed a little money-making scheme underway. But it was completely the right thing to do. As a non-fan reviewer put it…Part 1 got to be moody and full of despair, while Part 2 got to be all out Voldemort Ass-Kicking War. It would have been strange to mash those together.

Am I Done Yet?

If you’ve made it this far, you either:

A. Really like to read my blog
B. Really like Harry Potter
C. Have nothing better to do

So I will wrap it up.

Don’t underestimate the camaraderie to be formed while waiting to find out if Snape is good or evil. I had a completely bizarre and in-depth conversation with a Border’s employee while pre-ordering my Hallows.

I continue to be amazed when a seemingly non-suspect individual shows up with a Gryffindor mug. Harry Potter is for everybody. Unless you don’t like a good fairy tale. Then it’s not for you. So go back to your CNN and stop reading my blog.

Mockingjay

Disclaimer: I'm not a good book reviewer, because I either tell too much, or it is so scrambled that people think "Why would I ever read that book?" But here is what I can tell you:

What: Mockingjay (Book 3 of The Hunger Games Trilogy - The Hunger Games #1 and Catching Fire #2)

Who: I would say from Junior High up. They are classified as Young Adult, but every Old Adult that I have coerced into reading them has loved them.

Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy, but don't let that scare you. It's not aliens and witches and vampires. It's only classified that way because it is set in what's left of a post-apocalyptic world. The author describes it as inspired by a mix between the Minotaur myth (sending children in to the labyrinth as tributes) and Spartacus (slave uprising)

I picked up The Hunger Games based on an inspiring book review. I finished The Hunger Games in total awe...and immediately sought out Catching Fire. That was last November and I have been patiently waiting for Mockingjay which came out this Tuesday. Due to life...I was only able to get to page 80 as of yesterday afternoon.

But for some reason the girls were in an accommodating mood that allowed me to read on the back porch while they played, which got me to about 140. And then I got them to bed on time.

That was it. With an occasional glance up when Scott turned on House Hunters...I made it through to page 389 a little before midnight. There was just no way I was going to bed before I knew.

It's a story about war and especially its effect on the children caught in the middle. And its a story about standing up for yourself and others that are weaker than you to fight for what is right, no matter the cost. (Almost sounded like Billie Jean, there.)

This is not Harry Potter. This is certainly not Twilight. It's not even His Dark Materials (which is another excellent Young Adult series). This is like nothing I have read in a LONG time. I don't think I've cried this hard over literary characters since Beth died in Little Women. (not counting animals, because spiders Charlotte's Web and rabid dogs Old Yeller are bound to tear your heart strings out.)

And that's not a spoiler...I cried over many things in this story that did not involve people dying. (Although, you have to know that people die in wars.) And you might wonder why I'm telling you to read a book that so obviously full of depressing subject matter.

But that's just it. I should be totally depressed by this story, but instead it's inspiring. Every single one of Collins' characters is beautifully drawn through their actions. Not easy to do, when a book is written in the first person.

And while dialog is always the toughest sell in a book (I think Stephen King once said to only use dialog if you can think of no other way to get the point across.) Collins is never wrong when she uses it, making the book flow along at the pace of the action.

And since I am trying desperately not to give away any spoilers, I will use the following words and you can come back to them after you read the books for yourself and make your own judgement. (Because how could you not read them after what I just told you?)

Prim's name announced.
The burnt loaves of bread.
Rue and the Mockingjay.
Katniss cries "Peeta!" after an announcement during the first Hunger Games.
Visit to District 8.
Gale's punishment.
Haymitch's promise to Katniss.
Cinna.
Mags.
The hovercraft appears in the arena.
The white rose in District 12.
Katniss's demands to agree to Mockingjay.
The "hijacking".
Katniss and Joanna's training.
Finnick.
Peeta and Gale's conversation in the Capitol.
"I'm with the Mockingjay."
Buttercup's return.