Stats

Ever since I've learned there is a "stats" tab on my blogger dashboard (which is shockingly not long), I've been consiously trying NOT to pay attention to it.

But that is futile.

And while it is interesting to see how many people view my blog without ever commenting (come on, like you don't have a story of your own to make me seem even the least bit less ridiculous?), that is not what I find myself looking at.

Disclaimer: I cannot see who specifically is looking in any way, shape, or form. Your secret is safe with me.

My favorite stat is under "Traffic Sources" and it tells me what search words were used to get to my blog. Mostly just versions of Hatter's Clean Cup, obviously. And sometimes if I write about something of pop culture, those key words show up.

Top 2 Favorite Search Terms (because most of them are boring):

Annual Gyno Exam - Probably not what they were looking for.
Courtney Cox Left Eyebrow - WTF? What's wrong with Courtney Cox Left Eyebrow and how many of you are going to google it after you leave this blog?

My next favorite stat comes under the heading "Audience" and it tells me from what countries people are logging in. Right under United States? South Korea with 30 hits this year. I can only assume it is the same person trying to find Courtney Cox's left eyebrow and forgetting they've already searched here.

Denmark had 14 and all I can think is, "Is Denmark still a country?" Where the hell have they been? No offense Denmark, my Great Grandmother was born there and I'm sure you have lots of important goings on like attending your annual gyno exams like clockwork.

Other country of note - Romania - who I can only assume is on to my vampire theories surrounding my brother John.

Moral of this story...if you do a google search on Favorite South Korea Cox - you'll probably end up here.

The Great Pumpkin Killed My Cell Phone

I have really needed to get a new phone since…oh, let’s see…my first blackberry lept off the roof of my car while I was getting on the highway to come home after work. That was over a year ago.

Up until today, I had been using Denise’s previous model, that she let me “borrow” until I was due for an upgrade in…oh, let’s see…April 2010. And considering I’ve known that the bank was going to stop paying for my data plan since…oh, let’s see…April 2010…I really should have gotten one by now, but thankfully I had not.

Today I knocked my/Denise’s phone off my kitchen counter and into Potter’s water bowl (which includes both water and St. Bernard slobber). It has not recovered.

I knocked my phone off the counter, looking for a thermometer – a thermometer that I used maybe an hour prior to the incident and have not found since. Seriously, where could it have gone?

I needed a thermometer because Morgan was home sick with a fever. And let me tell you it takes a lot to keep Morgan down. She’s like her dad – works through the pain. Me…if I have to use more than one Kleenex in the morning, I’m ready to call off work. (But I don’t, of course, which can be attested to by Gregg and Mary who share wall space with me.)

Morgan was most likely sick from a typical weekend approaching Halloween, which to a little kid ranks below Santa but above the Easter Bunny.

Saturday started with a trip to the dentist, moved on to a friend’s Halloween Tea Party Birthday (which marks her first appearance in costume for the season), and ended with a cousin sleepover.

Sunday came with the promise of a trip to Grandpa Ray’s pumpkin patch which he had put in a corner of his farm especially for the great grand children. This had been hyped for about a week.

When we got there, the girls ran to where we pointed then stopped and turned in circles. “Where’s the pumpkin patch?”

“Umm…you’re standing in it.”

Okay, so not exactly the pumpkin patch where one might spend Halloween night, missing tricks or treats and awaiting the arrival of the fabled Great Pumpkin…but it did the job. In retaliation for this less than extraordinary (but in my opinion, completely sincere) pumpkin patch…the Great Pumpkin killed my cell phone.

Bay Village Bicentennial Celebration

Yes, I know I have my fun with the city of Bay Village, but I do love living here. No, my kids don’t experience “diversity” every day, nor are they exposed to poverty.

Example:
Mommy: (explaining why I wanted the television turned off) You know, some people don’t even have a TV.
Morgan: (**gasp** then silent, thoughtful reflection) Well, Mom, we could always invite them to come watch at our house. They could all take turns watching one show, because it’s always nice to share.

The majority (maybe all, I don't know) of public land in Bay Village was willed to the city from the Cahoon family that settled here on October 10, 1810 under the stipulation that the city could not use the property for any organized events (specifically boating and swimming) on Sundays.

So with great irony, our bicentennial fell on…Sunday. Hmm, what to do…I’ll tell you what you do…you throw a church service into the middle of the festivities. Hi, Loophole.

And while it was a very a nice service (with all six churches represented)…and I get that the town was founded by very Christian people…and I’m not all about political correctness…I don’t know…it still felt wrong to be excluding people…even if they are the extreme minority…

On the other hand, it’s great to have a community that is so committed to our children and to creating a place that shows the value of doing things as a family, by putting on these amazing events like Bay Days and Movies in the Park. It makes the saying “it takes a village” seem quite poetic.

So, yes, I enjoyed myself immensely and the girls had a blast. Thank you, Ida Cahoon. And my apologies to my one Jewish friend. And now, for your viewing pleasure...a photo essay.

Crafts, Civil War Era demonstrations, and Beer Can Chicken (not actually at the bicentennial, it's on my own grill, but I always think it’s funny to look at beer can chicken)

Parade

Lighting of the new cupola (again, my dummy-proof camera is not exactly great for night shots)

Morgan, Zoe, and my DVR

Morgan

Never have I wished for public school uniforms more than I have this week.

Changing Morgan's mindset from summertime dresses and crocs to wintertime socks, long sleeves, and (god forbid) pants ranks rights up there with cleaning up the St. Bernard piles of poop from my living room carpet. Actually, cleaning up the poop took up a lot less time, and Potter didn't fight me about it. He took it like a man, despite the fact I made him stay outside while it was raining.

Morgan's list of grievances include, but are not limited to:

"Pants that touch her feet" (Anything other than capris or leggings.)

Shoes that are "too tight" (AKA actually fit her appropriately)

Long-sleeve shirts that aren't pretty enough. (Anything that is a solid color or a pattern other than rainbow. These would be the same shirts that actually coordinate with the patterned skirts and leggings, so you see my dilemma.)

Socks that "bother her" (AKA any sock with seams across the toes. FYI - ALL socks have seams across the toes. While I don't think this is worthy of the flood of tears it produces in Morgan, I do wonder why socks can't be made with seams on the outside, or no seam at all. That has to be possible. And for those of you who are about to suggest I turn the socks inside out...if you think Morgan is wearing solid colored plain socks, you are sorely mistaken. Trust me when I say her socks cannot be turned inside out.)

Sleeves that touch her wrists (This is not as bad as pants that touch her feet, but it's up there.)

Collars that touch her neck (The one thing I've been able to cut out of her wardrobe...until the winter coat comes along.)

I'm actually considering having her evaluated for some kind of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Normally, I would self-diagnose, but since Scott frowns on my use of WebMD for my own aches and pains, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't believe me if I confirmed Morgan's diagnosis on crazypeople.com.

Zoe

Spent Wednesday walking everywhere in Morgan's flip flops. Not flip flops that used to be Morgan's. Morgan's current flip flops.

If Lydia is at Thea's, they trade shoes for the day. Luckily Thea is good at remembering, because there have been many a time when I would have walked out without noticing.

Sometimes she wears a pair and carries a pair and puts a pair in the diaper bag. (You just never know what the situation will call for. A girl must be prepared.)

She never wants to wear the pair I give her, even if she happily wore them the day before.

She has requested to sleep with her shoes on more than one occasion. Not on her feet, but rather holding them like stuffed animals.

Contrarywise - none of her dolls are allowed to wear shoes.

DVR

When last I left you...

I can't believe I forgot to mention Melissa & Joe on ABC Family. Melissa Joan Hart (Sabrina the Teenage Witch) and Joey Lawrence (Blossom) [Or for you children of the 80's Clarissa Explains All and Gimme A Break]. This is almost a rehashing of yet another 80's classic Who's The Boss, but Who Cares. Love the witty banter and might also enjoy the fact that her butt looks bigger than mine now.

Raising Hope - First episode was funny but mildly disturbing. By the second episode, I was over the disturbing part and laughing my ass off. Definitely a keeper.

Running Wilde - I wish I had that half hour of my life back.

Modern Family - If you have ever had a family, you should watch this show. And if Phil is not my brother Charlie, I do not know who is. This is my number one show. Period. Manny: I think I'm going to wear my burgundy jacket. Gloria: Of course you are.

Cougartown - I still think this is really funny, but it also has its moments of stupidity, so watch at your own risk. Courtney Cox is the most annoying mom ever, but when her craziness does not involve her son, she is very amusing. But her hillbilly ex-husband Bobby is the main reason to watch this show.

Community - I'm still going to watch it because of my inappropriate crush on Joel McHale, but these first two episodes have not been that funny. And enough with Betty White already. I can watch Golden Girls reruns anytime I want a fix.

The Office - I miss the old days, however...Dwight peeing in the elevator - classic!....Michael's face when they tell him Toby is his counselor - priceless! (I haven't watched the second episode yet.)

Programming note: I have not watched Outsourced yet, but it is on my list. Did you notice the shocking lack of hour-long drama's from my DVR list? I can't do it anymore. With the exception of Haven and Pretty Little Liars, I have not had the ability to pick up a new drama and stick with it. Maybe it's Lost aftershock. I'm not sure.

Cups and Saucers

Morgan’s Version of a Classic Joke
One night I was in Africa and I stuffed an elephant wearing my pajamas. How did he get in my pajamas? Ha Cha Cha Cha.

Zoe’s Version
Elfant in my jamas. Ha Tsa Tsa. (Really she just likes the Ha Tsa Tsa part and doesn’t feel a lead in is necessary.)

4 Things that Bug Me About Wlakers/Joggers
People that walk while reading a book…that’s what audio books were made for. How do you even do that without getting a headache?

People that walk in the road when there is a perfectly good sidewalk. (Being married to a runner, I understand running in the road, but walking doesn’t make sense.)

People that jog slower than I can walk. Don’t kid yourself; you aren’t better than the walkers.

People that look like they are in physical pain while running. I’m not talking sweaty, elevated heart-rate at the end of a long run. I’m talking about the people whose faces immediately contort into victims of torture the moment they leave their driveway. Find a new form of exercise.

Potter’s Rebellion
I think Potter is sensing that we have him one foot in the grave. He’s been randomly dragging his ass upstairs to sleep in our room again. So perhaps he had stopped because of the blindness, and is now getting comfortable with it.

Also, he’s using his blindness as an excuse to try to eat off people’s plates. He just sticks his nose right up there now. “What? I thought she was handing me the piece of bologna.”

Renewed Love Affair with my DVR - Part 1

To recap the summer:

Entourage went to a dark place that kept me from regularly tuning in, but I heard it was good from a reliable source, namely the person I married and force to watch SyFy programming.

True Blood redeemed itself in the last two episodes as far as Eric goes, but listen up, Alan Ball...if you don't lighten up on the Lafayette weirdness and making Sam a psycho, I will be fast forwarding through two thirds of your vampire show that is actually only one forth vampire these days.

Dear SyFy network...why does your best show (Eureka) have the shortest season? Or is that the point? Kind of hard to jump the shark when you don't get on the water skis. P.S. I will allow loopholes in the time-space continuum if you keep bringing Stark back to antagonize Carter. P.P.S. Brilliant move to let Eureka lead in to Haven because I am already hooked. Although, your promos about it being based on King's The Colorado Kid were grossly misleading...or were they?

You know it is fall (and you have kids up past primetime) when you turn on the TV and get a message that the cable boxes are all occupied and you need to cancel a recording or stop trying to watch something that isn't being recorded. Come on, U-Verse, show some compassion. How do I know if I need to record a series if I can't record a single episode?

I'll start off light (because there's only been three shows watched so far )...

Life Interrupted will indeed most likely be interrupted, because I see us walking down a very familiar hallway that leads to the same thing that happened last season.

Boardwalk Empire...HBO is starting strong again, which I didn't think could happen because Steve Buscemi is no Alexander Skarsgard, but I was mistaken. (Plus, I don't want Buscemi sending me to the wood chipper if I don't like his show.) However...they may run into the problem of not enough likeable characters...or at least characters you love to hate.

Glee...first off, Morgan has been sucked in, so I can now watch it real time and not feel guilty. It's bonding! And can I just say "What I Did For Love" was shear brilliance. Brought back fond memories of the excruciatingly horrible Firelands High School choir and our "A Chorus Line" medley. Kiss today goodbye and point me toward tomorrow...season premiers of Modern Family and Cougartown.

Sidebar: Prior to watching Glee, Morgan and I had a competitive game of Wii bowling. I have finally found someone less coordinated than I am! Yes, she is five. "Press, step, swing, let go. What don't you understand?!"

The Value of Money

Ever since I banned the phrase “I want that,” from our household, Morgan has been very interested in "how many dollars" things cost. Loophole: Instead she uses the phrase “I would maybe like that for my birthday/Christmas.” Semantics? Yes.

For the last year, we have let her take the change from our pockets to put in her bank and I recently cashed it in at a Coinstar for her, but she’s starting to get depressed in the knowledge that it takes a lot of money to buy things from The Disney Store.

On having five dollars left to spend…
Morgan: How many dollars is this?
Mommy: Nine.
Morgan: (dramatic sigh) Put it on my Christmas list, I guess.

This went on throughout the store and it was heartbreaking, but hopefully a lesson learned.

We are even letting her do “chores” to earn money, but we’re trying to keep it reasonable, because I will admit I was a bit concerned she’d bankrupt us with her initiative. So it’s fifty cents here, a quarter there type of pay.

She also has no patience, so “saving” isn’t her strong suit. On leaving the store that day, she was okay with saving for the Alice doll, but by the time she got home the futility sank in that the doll was twenty dollars and it was going to take her “forever” so “just add it to the Christmas list.”

Because money in her hand burns the proverbial hole in her pocket. She just has to spend it on something. Even if it isn’t what she really wants. Thus making it take longer to save. Yet another lesson.

So last Tuesday, a Talent Group check came in the mail. These usually come around a couple months after the photo shoots occur, so they are always a little bit of a surprise. And this one was substantial, because it was a longer shoot and included a travel stipend. (Read about that joy here.)

Normally, I put this money into her savings account without even saying anything. I figure if she keeps at it for a while, she’ll have some spending money in college. Maybe she’ll be the one offering to buy the kegs when she moves into her first off-campus apartment.

But Scott pointed out that she did earn the money, so maybe she should be allowed to decide what to do with a small part of it. He’s the good cop. I’m the bad cop.

So that Tuesday night I show her the check and explain where it came from. And that the next day we could take it to the bank and that they would give us dollar bills for it and put it in her account. But that she could have twenty-five dollars out of it to spend.



Pure joy!