The morning after I posted my previous blog I was reminded
what Archie meant. It is pretty funny,
but it will keep.
Right now…
...from the eyes of a 39-year-old mother of two with limited
concert experience outside the Dead/Phish/DMB crowd with the exception of an N*SYNC
concert over TEN years ago (holy shit, has it been that long?).
Sidebar: N*SYNC doesn’t count because we were older than
most of the audience and therefore unable to be rude. And we had not so good seats. And we were still young enough to be ashamed
of ourselves.
At some point in the evening, once NKOTB came on stage, I
decided I better start taking notes, because I wasn’t sure I was going to
remember anything other than the ringing in my ears. Here is a transcription of those
notes…
Bon jovi dead or alive
Do French kidsin
Joey please don’t go
Jn singing for the first time ever
Joe FAITH
Jrdn kiss
Do. It’s getting hot in here
Dirty dancing
Do throws shirt.
Biscuit
Games
I do t care cat I live it.
Surprisingly enough, this all makes perfect sense to me. But I have to back up a little, because the evening
started well before this with the following facebook status “I feel like I’m
getting ready for the prom.”
Do you remember that feeling? Waiting for that big photo op in someone’s
parent’s back yard. Putting on more make
up in one night than you wore for the entire year combined. Refraining from putting your hair in a
ponytail. Okay, I may have been a bit of
a tomboy.
After lengthy debates around transportation, hotel rooms,
and next morning obligations, we chose to take a cab downtown at 5 pm – two and
a half hours before the show started – in order to grab dinner and drinks prior
to entering the arena.
Clearly, we were not the only people with this plan. Clearly.
It is hard to describe this scene with unbiased accuracy. Because
I would like to call every woman other than ourselves a hoochie. However, I do know other people who attended
the show that don’t fall into this category, so I probably should give some of
these females the benefit of the doubt and assume they just wanted to get some
liquor into them the same as me.
Since each restaurant on the street was bursting at the
seams (including an HOUR wait at Corner Alley – why? why would you wait that long at a bowling
alley?) I made the executive decision to head towards the casino where we
enjoyed our drinks two at a time after our B-Spot burgers and counted how many
people were walking around with little Cuisenart hibachi grills????
Here is where I want to let you know that NKOTB concert
goers fall into three categories of fashion:
Message Tees – either a
concert t-shirt they have kept since the 80’s or a handmade job commanding “Donnie
give me some grown man love” (not making that shit up).
Too Cool for School – the beotches that come dressed like
they are clubbing (which I guess technically they could have been). If you can pull it off, more power to you. I just can’t imagine going to a concert in stilettos,
minis and cleavage (well, maybe cleavage). Perhaps that’s the hippy chick in me.
Just Trying Not to Look 40 – This would be my group. Let’s just say some are more successful than
others. (I will admit there is an
extremely small minority that can actually somehow look cool. I’m pretty sure it’s not me.)
Once we felt ready (read: had consumed four drinks each) we
walked back to the arena where Boys II Men had started playing, grabbed two
beers each (basically, everything came in pairs for the evening in case that wasn't clear) and found our
seats, which were twelve rows up behind the chairs at center stage. This.
And technically it really WAS like prom because I’m pretty
sure Boys II Men ballads were a requirement at ours. I also gave G the “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye
to Yesterday” single cassette tape as a graduation gift. Classy.
I am pleased to report that I apparently do not know a single
98 Degrees song (no, I do not know how to get the degree symbol on my keyboard,
is there a special code?). This is in
spite of the fact that I actually own Nick Lachey’s solo album and watched Newlyweds fairly religiously.
The best part of this act though, is when they brought four “lucky
ladies” on stage and each band member took turns singing to them. One of them was seriously heading into an 1800’s
fainting spell and I feared she’d break her neck falling off the bar stool. I hope one of her friends had a paper bag for
her to breathe into after Nick got to her.
And then…the moment we were waiting for. After I peed for the five hundredth time. OH! I almost forgot. All restrooms were changed into Women’s. Well, I’m sure they left a couple Men’s but we walked into the closest one and I couldn’t believe it only had four stalls, but then I looked around the other wall and there was a row of urinals. HA!
It is pretty much a blur for the remainder of the night so I’m proud of myself for taking those notes which probably start about
halfway through the NKOTB set when they had their band on the center stage and occasionally
slipped into doing covers, including what you thought was going to be Bon Jovi’s
“Dead or Alive” but thankfully turned into something else, Joey singing George
Michael’s “Faith”, Jordan singing Prince’s “Kiss” and Donnie doing Nelly’s “It’s
Gettin’ Hot in Here” (of course he did).
And of course somewhere in there is D Dub having a make out
session with some chick in the VIP area. (Do French kidsin, according to my notes), Joey Joe belting “Please
Don’t Go, Girl” in slightly lower key than the original, Jordan in his traditional
video stance that requires a fan to be blown at his billowing shirt and…wait
for it…
Jonathon Knight SINGING.
If you are friends with me on facebook and braved playing my YouTube
video of this rare phenomena, you already knew that. For those that don’t understand the
significance…Jon does NOT sing solo. EVER.
And he cannot dance his way out of a paper bag. He was basically in the group so there was
never a tie when they voted on something. And to look pretty. And to pretend to be straight with Tiffany so
they could have a love child that now works in my department.
At some point near the end of the show D Dub tears his shirt
off and throws it into the crowd. Riots
ensue. Biscuit gets involved. (Biscuit is the name of the bodyguard that
was in their cartoon. Yes, I know this!) Donnie is oblivious to the mayhem he creates.
Further insanity rages when the rap portion of “Games” is
upon us (which I still pretty much have memorized thankyouverymuch).
And you may be wondering what “I do t care cat I live it.”means?
But it was really just them playing the
song “I Love It” while they got ready for the “Hangin’ Tough” finale. Not even sure why I felt the need to note it,
although I do recall having to seriously pee again at that point.
And then it was over.
Depression. Sets. In.
Back, huh,
stronger than ever, you think we'd sever?
Never, we're too clever to be taken down clown
By your ignorant state of mind, I ain't blind but
Every time I look I find you dissin' a mission
that
Strictly be righteous, we gotta fight this so now
I think I might just
Take a stand, man, like never before, and I'm sure
That we'll endure so now it's time to even the
score
I hear you knocking me but you ain't shocking me
'cause jealousy is telling me that you're just
jocking me
So keep on talking skee, with pride I'm walking
see,
Because on anybody's block is where I'm gonna be
rockin' gee.
For real, yo!
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