My Favorite Things (Sarcasm Implied)

1. The stairway between the 10th and 11th floor that we are only supposed to use in emergencies. (I'm not sure why all the stairways have that signage, because nobody pays attention to it.)

This particular stairway is my direct route to the cafeteria, which you would probably figure out when you saw the meatball that has been rotting there for the last two months.

Dear Meatball Dropper...Seriously? Pick that shit up.

Dear Facilities Managment...Seriously? In two months you haven't once cleaned the stairwell? What if there was an ACTUAL emergency and people ended up tripping over the hundreds of meatballs that people had dropped and not picked up?

2. The new partner on our year-end audit, that came up with new and interesting ways to torture me, while already going through the living hell known as enterprise risk management. This would be the single reason that I haven't blogged in over two weeks. Guess what you missed? You can blame him.

• The concussion I gave myself while attempting to lift my 140 pound dog's ass off the kitchen floor and subsequently slamming my head into the counter.
• Zoe waking me up at 3:30 in the morning to let me know there was "something in her bed" and that something was puke. Which was now on my hands.
• A beer tasting in downtown Cleveland from 2pm - 6pm. Quote upon entering: We should have bought an extra pass so we could have split another 25 tickets. Quote upon leaving: I have eight tickets left, how many do you have? (Or something like that, it was hard to tell with all the slurring and the need to concentrate on walking without falling over.)

Sidebar: Early Saturday morning, I ran into said partner in our local bakery. For once, I wasn't wearing pajamas. Although I did have my hair braided in pig tails, so I probably looked like a 12-year-old (or maybe a 38-year-old with pig tails). He looked MUCH worse.

3. My own insanity which led me to completely overhaul the upstairs playroom exactly one hour AFTER our PTA's spring resale. In my defense, Zoe asked me to find Bitty Baby's missing shoes, so I was actually attempting to be a good mom for a change.

I found one shoe about 15 minutes into demolition. Seven hours later, my final task was to dump out the bins of stuffed animals to find loot that made its way to the bottom. Low and behold a pink shoe. Guess what? Same goddamn shoe I found seven hours earlier. She WILL be the death of me.

(On a side note, the train table / Fisher Price Little People village has been turned into a craft table, so anyone interested in FP LP sets should contact me immediately! Barn, Castle, House, School and all the accouterments. These prices won't last forever! Everything must go!)

4. Zombie shows. For real. Who knew?